Sunday, 5 March 2017

THAT Family

We had an exceptionally monumental moment this morning.  We rode our bikes before 9am on a Sunday morning, with a trailer behind us holding not one but two very excited small children and the cast of "Super Market Zoo" which is the knew 'fav' book in our house-hold.  We looked every ounce of the most organized and adventurous family there was. 

The bikes and trailer were daddy's 26th birthday present.  Which I find completely hilarious in itself.  

Now on a country road after slightly taking the p*ss out my hubby for his 'oh so professional' hand signals that insinuated he knew what the f*ck he was doing.  He then turned round and looked at me, both of us laughing our heads off as he shouted over his shoulder with words that instantly inspired me to write this blog;

"We are THAT family, aren't we...?"

In that moment I felt waves of acceptance, power and knowledge.  I felt like the ultimate parent - I had discovered the truth.  

 "The truth shall set you free!"

I had first hand experience of who "THAT" family actually were and it was not what I'd put myself through endless days of guilt and desire thinking it would be.

To the naked eye, to the people who had but a glimpse of our lives this morning as they passed us by in their cars or watched from their living room windows -  we were that family.  The family you defeatidly wonder, how the f*ck they do it.  They really do have their sh*t together.

Firstly, 'sh*t' and 'together' most certainly do not go together in the interpretation of our family.  Our sh*t is more like that of my dogs when it's been sitting in the garden a week later because my husband, even after me nagging - is still to pick it up.  I then find myself crouched down, knee deep in sixty odd sh*ts in the back garden on a Saturday morning caving in.  Picking half eaten crap up in tiny bits myself with a holey poo bag because some little rotter of a bird has scattered the sh*t everywhere.  That is, so far probably the best description I can come up with to explain the dynamics of our family.  

We so do not have our sh*t in one piece, on our definitely not perfectly green grass.

Planning and organization is yet another skill we have yet to acquire.  With two children and nearly 3 years of parenting behind us, I'm starting to feel like that skill will be one we will soon have to accept won't be part of our lives unless we are willing to change our personalities too - which quite frankly at this stage in my life, I'm not willing to do. I kind of like being the family that's late for things but usually with good reason - even if it's that my kid wants an extra story while she pees or wants to take an hour to eat her toast before making an appearance at preschool.  My attitude right now with the kids at the age their at, is that I'll enjoy the slowness of life whilst I can.   I like that we don't put pressure on ourselves to celebrate Birthdays, Christmases and events on particular days or in certain way.  I like to be different I love to think that those around us accept that and love that about us.

I guess I wanted to write a short piece to remind other people about life filters - they are the physical ones that can reach over the realm of social media into real life and portray the same lies that a good old Instagram filter or Snapchat filter can portray.  We have come to a point in social media where honesty is starting to shine through once more.  People are owning their realities instead of hiding them and it's encouraging behavior. 

For most of us, these 'perfect' images in real life and social media aren't deliberate, they aren't intended to offend or disillusion others.  As most of us love and appreciate the beauty of a good photograph - we are also trying to better our lives, seek more fun and memory filled adventures.  

If you have a positive mind set your instincts won't be to jump on social media to tell everyone what the sh*t parts of your day are or what you couldn't afford to buy.  That, to me is more than OK.  I am one of them too.  If you want to flaunt your new material possessions you've worked hard at to get but choose not to show the grind, that's ok too.  Sharing the material aspects of our life isn't my thing but I am comfortable enough in my own life to both respect and understand that for some folk, that makes them feel good.  It's not about telling others to stop doing the sh*t that annoys you on social media, it's about teaching yourself to understand and accept why.  

 I don't think to pull my camera out and capture my baby screaming at my ankles because I know in fifty years time I'd far rather remember the cuddles.  That's just me.  The sh*t bits can f*ck off as quickly as they've arrived.  I acknowledge sh*t moments, I'll often write them down as a form of therapy and pick out the good bits.   I do enjoy including some of those crappy moments in my online stories and blogs - usually to discover that you can find a lot of humor and good from moments you initially feel no joy from.  I learn what I need to learn from hard moments but I'll be damned if I spend the majority of my time documenting them to forget to focus n the positive parts of my day.

This morning that family had been woken before 7am, they ate jam & toast in a freshly made bed whilst mum was uttering words of f*cks already.  Showers were not had because that was far too spontaneous if we ever thought we'd leave the house before 9am.   We spent ten minutes with our kids moaning at us because I impulsively stuck them in the trailer before thinking about how the f*ck we attach said contraption to bike.  Nearly ready to leave before we realized cyclists usually wear helmets - to the health and safety police, we opted to go a safe cyclists path route for our first test drive.   We spent fifteen minutes cycling before about turning because the toddler had decided she was hungry and our hands were near frozen to the handlebars.  Then we came home and attempted to fit bikes and a trailer into a garage FULL to the brim of belongings we've accumulated over our six house moves in 5 years.  Had a little moan and worry to myself about the chances of moving all this stuff to yet another location in a few months - which is a constant worry of mine right now.  We stuck the TV on and put our feet up all before 10am and all but five minutes before baby needed a nap and toddler wanted entertained.  Bike and trailer will probably gather dust before being used again in warmer climates.  The End.

We don't need to shout out about our crappy bits of the day or opt for a blurry less flattering image on our profiles so we don't upset other people.  We do need to educate ourselves, we need to give ourselves and our perceptions of other people a break.  We need to remember there is absolutely no such thing as 'perfect' and understand that our minds are powerful enough to concoct stories and elaborate on pictures to the extent we can create an image to ourselves that isn't real.  Next time you do this, remember that life has filters too - the best kind.  Remember that although lives may appear simplistic, care free and stress free - those lives unless you know them inside out, always carry filters.  We all just choose how often we use them.  There are those who have nothing and appear to have everything and there are those who have everything who choose not to flaunt it all.  Then there others like us who are trying to keep it real but let's face it, we just don't always get it right.

Whatever way you choose to live your life and look at others or not look at others as the case may be.  
Always remember...

 "We are all winging it."

It turns out we've always been that family, on our good days and our bad days and so have you.